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Don’t mind how I feel lol Just mind on what I’m doing.

First I re-themed my blog because I discovered that in firefox it wasn’t loading up correctly. I also discovered that Google is enforcing the autoplay policies in chrome, so no more “TV style” for anyone web domain only if they had already a high rating in their Media Engagement Index (MEI) bullshit. It’s basically to create a filter screen in code so that you the user won’t be invaded with annoying video ads that happen in the background, but the real folks who are using it proper has to jump more hoops to get it working up again.

So to cut all of that shit out, I’m going with less, thus the change on my page.

That didn’t only affect this page, it also affected my DarkZeta website. Since the front loading page has a video background to show the splendor of what’s been done in the project, the enforcement of the new autoplay policy breaks it. So now it’s once again just a still image, only if the user clicks on the page will it play. It doesn’t have any sound at all btw.

There are other ways to implement an engaging content, but it takes a fucking while to prepare and publish and find the right touch.

Since I’m just a 1 person army and pretty much do everything, I’m not gonna focus on making anything new with the front page of Dark Zeta website until I reach my demo goal (which is really far out).

With all that said, I’ve been thinking for a very long time about creating unique content in between my network of channels on youtube. The trouble here is that youtube has been bitchy about many things since they are trying to make money themselves. Making animation is really tough game to play because it takes so long to make just 5 minutes of anything. I’m still feeling that burning drive to do at least 1 animation. The gimmick that can stick formula I’ve been trying to find. I’ve seen folks use caricatures as host stand ins for some youtube content that I’m interested in doing myself. For instance, DevilArtemis cell personation works well because he can really “sell” the voice of the character very well. Is like finding Elvis and making him do stuff for the audience to be entertained by it. Pure genius.

I have done voices of characters before but all for play. That’s why I was thinking of making G-Legend’s G-Spirit character as my avatar to go into different things that I can do with my own natural talents. I can do the cookie monster’s voice as well as the henchmen from Venture Bros voice. If I can get my own thing out first and then pit in different short scenarios using 3D artwork, with it being animated, I can prove my worth doing so.

This is just me thinking out loud about it for a very long time now. I will though still work on Dark Zeta, but again I mention that doing something so fucking long (7 years now), can drive me crazy artistically. I really feel like there is no end in sight. It’s a fucking marathon. The thing about it that frightens me is the way people digest things are so single serving. 7 years of work is like nothing to people. The appreciation of the work will only cater to those who do, which is a very small percentage, while at large people simply don’t give a fuck and move on to the next thing they can digest. As I age, I get way more frustrated with this reality and being alone making it fucking makes it hurt even more. Who am I serving? What is my demographics in all of this? It can really drive anyone insane.

Being aware of this is pure madness. This is why I feel the way I feel about life in general. The sense of it all is so daming that I always question if it is even worth at all?

Bottom line is this: Nobody gives a flying fuck what I do, but I still do it because that’s what I love to do with my life. This is it. Others feel that I should not hold on about this and let life push me to do other random things, but I’m a stubborn motherfucker – I don’t kneel to life’s wishes, I do shit that satisfy my heart’s impulses. Period. This is why you had warriors die in battle, because they don’t let shit outside the fucking scoop drag them to an existence that isn’t desirable at all even if life gives you something “good”. I just wish I had another thousand years to keep chipping but time and energy is so limiting. So I say Fuck all of that, going against whatever the force is and keeping that courage to live and see if you can now. I see why people can become hermits, because the desire is so great to do something that it hurts everything else around it. Keeping people at a distance is best because it can really get bad if you get too close.

Again, I am a lost cause for those expecting much from me, that’s why I only linger to what my heart beats for.

So let’s go May, I got a lot going on that I rather just not say. Declaring to the world doesn’t work, so I keep the real shit hidden until I’m ready to express it later.