The video has the summary of before I cut my hours and then after I did. The reason I did cut my hours is because I really needed to focus and relax on updating everything online, as well as follow up with clients who reached out to me to work with them on web projects. Being creative is a mindset, and when I’m in high anxiety survival mode, I can’t concentrate even while my time is committed to something else. Thankfully my bosses granted me the reduced time to focus. I just wish I was able to control my schedule in a month by month bases, and not weekly. But working Sundays and two days out of the week has resulted to be a blessing. I also talked to my brother that because I have reduced my hours, I will only focus on paying the minimum of the bills, since to me it’s simply a black hole and getting my business up I need money for promotional material, advertising, and keeping my domains up and running. I’ve been doing what I can for a very long while, and axing that for the house I simply object to it.
Also side note – I looked into selling Life insurance and I quickly decided not to get into that since it was a beast all on it’s own. I need to stay focused on my projects and side hustle selling my services to business and individuals who need to get stuff done. I will also delegate/contract work to others who need it. My future 10 year plan is to create a studio of talented folks to do this sort of stuff, but I need to make it happen today first by making it work with my own talents.
The rest below I drafted it back in July, but after my meeting in August 12 with my siblings, then getting my wisdom tooth taken out, my mind totally changed. So I reworded a few things and now I don’t plan on moving until I get shit done here first. I need to push my business to the next level, then when I have enough money, move out slowly.
… I really don’t have much to say anymore. It’s been weeks and I haven’t been able to do what I listed to do. I’m just gonna repeat myself over again and my life is in a locked down state of affairs. People around me want me to be happy but shit is tough. I have no real motivator that says “if you feel ___ is holding you back, then move on”. This relates to work as a cashier, which is extremely limiting and redundantly monotonous. For the first time in my life trying that position out, after a whole year, I have to conclude that it really sucks as is but it has some good elements. It’s truly a dead end position though, there is no way around it. I have to complain about this because I’m burned out with it (at the time of this writing in July). Then the chain reaction of working so hard, standing up for hours on end, feeling the burn on my feet, getting back discomfort, just so I get so little from it and be short on bills, I get lost and feel what is the whole point of it? I truly feel I’m stuck. I try to look for other ways and places to work but that can’t be done either because of time needed and the level of uncertainty also disapproval from my family if I even try to rent out a spot in my dwelling.
Look, we all are here to enjoy life in all aspects of it. Be it with lots of sacrifice/investment in getting to our goals, so that it will feel much more meaningful, but we all know that the most valuable thing in this entire universe is our time. In of itself is finite, and having to earn for the fiscal year $8,000 all then just to see so little from it, living paycheck to paycheck, for months on end, to work for days doing something you don’t feel happy in, simply feels like life is wasted even when all you have earned disappears in a snap. I have so many goals set that I would love to reach them, but right now my challenge to stay on course has been truly hard. Thankfully I am blessed with things and forces beyond my own, giving me the chance to roll out as much as I can. I have a wonderful Girlfriend now that understands me, that motivates me. I have a family that will back me up if issues arise. I got it. No questions ask. It’s also a blessing that I have a job to begin with. At least it makes me look at things with contrast between it being bad as it is and also helping just a bit to live day by day.
What I am saying here is that I don’t want to spoil my time. I got stuff to do. That’s why I have a secret milestone. It’s just a measurement from the first day of the year to today. How much I can save for just 2 months worth and how much I pay for bills in the grand total scheme.
It’s all to see my options. The big prime objectives are constant though, in which I want to save for my game development stuff. I managed to do that with a job as a cashier, holding up in being a “homeowner” (really I’m just a stand in, in an awkward stance about it that nobody can ever understand but my family). My plans initially in the summer was to move out of “my” house. That plan was gonna roll out and take 4 months for me to accumulate what I need to get everything together but at the end I decide against that because my real goal was not yet fulfilled, which is my game developments and projects. Originally everything was going to go to storage, which will be my motion when I do execute it after I’m done with my current developments and financial goals.
Now you are asking, why? Because family drama. Everything was alright until a member stepped in and pushed his ideals on to everyone else, starting in 2014. Things have been slowly shifting towards the plans of purging everything new in “his” image. I don’t share such an ideal because mines have been consistent throughout all time, which is basically work on my projects and keep things as is. I want to maintain historical elements but since my parents gave up on the house long ago, it’s pretty much just for him now, because “there isn’t any other options” that feels lucrative than to set it up how he wants it. So, to get out of his way and not waste his energy, after I’m done with what I have to focus on first, I’ll move.
Getting away will help psychologically and emotionally. There won’t be any need of him plotting for me to leave and I won’t have any more anxiety attacks or overthinking about that. Years of work won’t be threaten like the way it has been, and it’s basically me fighting to protect my life’s work. All the art and development will be placed in storage containers and other extra stuff too once I’m able to do so. I just feel stuck and the best thing to do now is focus on my talents and keep searching for leads to get to my goals.
Anyways, now I have someone I promised a future with. This means letting go of the past. This exchange of value will only yield me, with hard work, something way better than just this house. This is my belief.
Another thing is that I’ve been largely dormant on actions I must execute to save my ass. I’ve been dependent on my sibling for a very long while in the midst of this transition, oddly. Is because of all the paperwork that has been processed without any detail passed on to me to see. Just like the electricity winter fiasco, where i didn’t know who was controlling the account and why they were charging such a high premium, I solved that issue by calling and changing things up under my name. There are other things still I don’t know what’s happening at all, and that unknown is the root of my siblings anxiety attacks. So I can’t blame him for being so rough, it is because shit gotta get paid or the house will be taken away. This is why I’m alright now to sell it, but my brother has other plans.
Again, some of these things are communicated in high anxiety arguments when things haven’t been talked about before. I’m pretty much walking in the dark here, bumping into walls. This whole experience has sucked me dry from doing anything creative and has delayed my projects. This is when I realized, when I was in connecticut with my girlfriend, that I have to do some drastic changes before winter comes again, and now we start the fall season. Shit is gonna get hard.
With all that said, I’ll do what I can about the content and website. No deadline set which means no promises.
Thanks for reading and caring about the matter. Next update will be when I get a chance. Right now I enjoyed my hours being cut down to only work on weekends, which is actually working well as a good strategy to keep me afloat. It’s giving me time to focus on my projects big time, but I’m low on cash so I recently requested more hours again, but that will be just to get enough money to invest so I can then focus on the next campaign and await for potential leads to come.
I wanted to be clear first that this is my personal blog and want to warn you guys that my grammar isn’t going to be professional. I am always learning new english techniques from folks who do know more than me and I will always try to be better every time I can on each post I do. Sometimes I will rush things so I apologize in advance. The whole point is to clearly communicate my thoughts to the reader through this page as transparent as possible. As for Mariolegend.com, that I will get an editor to help me formulate better articles going forward. This is only a heads up note just in case those who do wander in here, and have an english major under their belts, know that this shit is what it is – me.
With that said let’s go on with the actual stuff I gotta tell you guys about in this post.
First I want to apologize for not posting at all for the last few weeks. It’s been very transformative to say the lease. What had happened is that I got myself in trouble romantically, but financially I’ve been in “Grit & Grind Survival Mode” which basically means work hard in silence and save every dime I can for the future. All of the month of May I’ve been also trying to pre-produce the setup of my stop-motion animation project. I hit a few snag(s) but I’m still sort of on track with it. The reason why I’m uncertain is because I have a few conditions that are prioritized for that project, in which I don’t know if I’m going to successfully pull it off, before my brother decides to face me about working on the house. So what I’m doing is focusing on the story and environment I have (like a toy story narrative crossing with my original stop motion project from 20 years ago) to be able to fully tell my tale.
On a side note about fan made projects, the landscape of copyright and fair use has been heating up badly. Just to cut a long story short, companies have been fighting to take down folks who use their intellectual properties with anything they can. Since this stop-motion project was produced 21 years ago (1998), I did not know anything about copyright stuff at all – I was just a kid who celebrated and loved being in the many worlds from the games and animations I experienced back then. The therapeutic and ritual aspects of this is that it helps me move on to the next part of my life. So when I did the stop-motion back then, it was saying goodbye to my habits of playing with toys in general and moving them in bins forever. Since Toy Story 3 was basically that part of my life, I instead made a huge and very impressive production from it that totals 3 hours long. The last 30 minutes of the video are lost (but I’m trying to retrieve it) since my digital 8 camcorder is defective and I need to see if sending it to a service that can convert the tape into an mp4 will help the cause.
But anyways, I’m redoing a lot of the production for Season 1 of Famicom Land. Season 2 is, in a different take, where I’m working on now because it’s the current setting of discovery since the schematics of the house has changed a lot and will drastically change in the next few months if I don’t put the pedal to the metal. As for the time it takes place, both seasons are 5 thousand years apart, and introduces M (Mariolegend, who is my alter ego/persona of another instance of space-time) that creates also a crossing between the Tribus Fabula universe into the game universe. Lately though for the story, I thought up that it will play out as a parallel universe that takes place in my own world but some objects are alive within my house (as if Toy Story was live action in a way) and my alter-ego is transformed into a Toy himself, rediscovering the world and unlocking the characters that survived the cataclysmic event in season 1.
So with that covered, I also wanted to talk about my G-Legend Specials that I’m working on now.
There are many G-Legend Specials I’m working on such as; G-Spirit Versus Omega-G: First Assault, GerardoLegend 2019: A walk for hunger, G-Journal Special: Green Summer Heart, and G-Spirit Vs Omega-G: Smash out! (A live stream event, 3 players against the CPU that will play as Omega-G)
The theme here is going to work as a pixelated retro look and I’m first working on the consistency as I progress through production of it but first I’m concentrated on the stop-motion animation project pre-production setup before I can go ahead with the other stuff.
Since the trends of my schedule now is having Thursdays and fridays off, I’ve been using them to draw out my plans and write down things, and as well my time has diminished greatly because I’m also focused romantically on a new person in my life. This I will save the tale to be told in G-Journal Special: Green Summer Heart.
As for my suicidal bad side, it’s mute now for the time being. I’ve been keeping it at bay, and my new love has helped me cope by giving me new hope, as well I’ve been staying very busy and feeling confident about things in general.
Another side note, my depression has injured me to the point where my intellect has lowered down. What happens is that the hippocampus gets damaged permanently from long episodes, and things get really frustrating when calling back to common knowledge. In a nerdy sense, I 404 all the time when people ask me about stuff, more so when I don’t get sufficient rest while going through the course of the week at work. I’m recovering now from burnout and using the projects above as therapy for myself to get back to it again. I still hate my circumstance at work but I am trying to find new ways to use my skills to help others and find new leads to establish an alternative set of income. It all has to do with patience and I discovered that I need to just keep up at it and focus on controlling myself from going off the handle. Success is simply around the corner if I stay the course, as I generally tell myself now.
I feel much more confident than the last 2 months before, after the tarot reading, thus confirming my success – is just all about patience and perseverance.
With all that dropped, I wish you, my awesome reader, a wonderful summer, until next time…
So it’s been many weeks since the last post and here is another update-
Okay, I’ve been in the background working really hard in getting my shit together. I simply suffered a very bad burnout from everything. Making a game is terribly hard when it comes to not having any balance at all and I don’t have balance. This is why I had to stop 2 months ago. On top of that the coincidence of my main computer rig that I’ve been working on my projects on has been showing really bad signs of breaking down. So far it doesn’t let me even work on anything after a 30 minutes that’s been turned on. It just started doing that so I decided to unplug and take a step back from using it.
In conjunction to it, I saw it as an opportunity to visit my sister in florida for a couple of days. I never before met my niece up until this trip I made to florida 2 weeks ago. THAT was such a good choice I’ve made. It helped me alleviate the pain I was suffering within. I also had to cancel on the dentist thing until I returned. When I came back though, my brother had already set up an interview with an employer to work in the same shop he’s in. That was 2 weeks ago immediately after I have arrived back to boston. Thus I’m working now…
That took me 4 hours to put together, 22 hours to learn how to do that. And yes I didn’t sleep until I had it done. The music is original from @HardProSound excellent epic talent! This kind of quality I offer right now to anyone who wants an intro for their youtube channel, game, blog, show, animation, or video of any kind. I’m available this season!
One thing is for sure is that literally 2 and a half weeks from the 16th, things got really tough for me now. Currently I am available for freelance gigs doing the following:
Web design, Fan Art, advertising animations (gif, video), videography, motion graphics, 3D art for printing, 3D art for games, 3D animation and rigging, and 3D/2D environment asset creation for games or video.
Either that or simply give up on it for a very long time, in which I won’t accept that. This time I am forced away from game development once again due to lack of funds. I mean, I haven’t eaten a full course meal since thanksgiving, and I won’t be able to until I get work. It also very critical now because of the added obligation of helping to pay for important necessary bills like electricity.
So please if you have any business interest in what was mentioned, hit me up at Gerardo@valeriosoft.com