Geez I haven’t updated the site in such a long while. Every single time I tried to add something, life would bring up more surprises to get my focus away. I finally got a chance now to post, so here you go.
On May 7th, the annual walk for hunger event was held at the Boston common once again. This is the time where me and my family has this tradition to do it every year, but this one sadly they didn’t come out to walk. Last year’s event was part a different story, but the sour note from that experience pushed to the front on why my parents didn’t want to do it again this year. I can’t blame them, but thankfully the organizers restored the old path back to its former glory. Sadly though, this year, met with my own folly in part on how the family activity became more diffused. My depression escalated earlier this year to something that pushed my brother away as tensions at home became way too unnerving for me with his plans.
7 months ago I fell into a rage from failing to succeed with my game development plans with a team. It went down spiraling out of control by july, until ultimately I have pushed away people who generally had good intention to help my efforts bloom. This in turn made me more inclusive and self-reserved. Then in the background my brother was planning other things that overlapped my area where I concentrate to do my creative things. In short, my brother came in hard to push forward a change that I find perplexing because there is no income in part from neither of us. Financially speaking, we can’t fix anything, and forcing my parents to pay for something large, like remaking all the bathrooms and kitchen, is insanity without any money. The bills are really killing me at the moment and I have nothing saved because I barely make it every month. My brother isn’t working, and largely is backed by his partner. So all of this tension erupted in February. The main story is known, but the core reason is my brother doesn’t forgive that easily and seem not to understand what is going on. This in turn created a rift between us, as I made a mistake and I apologized for it way before he even got upset from it. It only feels as an excuse because of many conflicts of interests.
So fast forward to May 7th, and we both do the walk but completely in our own time and space. Almost as if we never existed in the same plane of reality, which for me is extremely depressing. This and no one else in the family wanted to come with to walk with me. Also add that I don’t have any phone service to find anyone else around that I know. As shy as I am, I never once spoken to anyone around me while walking and never made any new friends. So it was a lonely experience ironically in a place where hundreds met for a cause.
So I hope you enjoy the video I put together last night.