Super long time no post. I apologize for not being consistent about this but I’m back with an update. A lot has transpired. Everytime I try to add something here, I get pulled away with something else. It takes me so much energy to write and to make a proper post.
Anyway, I got a big update for you guys.
So let me start by talking about my current dilemma. I got into deep shit first all the way back in August 2017. The trouble was, getting into something I didn’t know truly about – which was first bitcoin, then the rest of the cryptocurrency market. The first thing that got really bad was that in that time, scams were rampant yet unknown. Stepping into that world was like walking into the jungle in the amazon. You just don’t know where danger lurks until it happens. Poison flora, dangerous venomous amphibians, and aggressive creepy crawlers – the same was with the bitcoin scene. First on the table, greed and desperation was the enabling factor of adventure. Much like Scrooge McDuck, going into adventure, it was similar in that it was all digitally. I was propelled into it by my father first, then taken deeper by a friend who showed me the unknown wild side of it that is the high yielding investment programs, a.k.a. ponzi schemes of the crypto world. Any innocent bystander would think innocently that it’s fine. Desperation though can really blind anyone. Breaking rules left and right, in the dark, one would think it would just be just a momentary test but oh boy, was I so wrong.
Giving up to desperation and curiosity, I first applied into a scheming site called Ambiz. Lost about 0.6 bitcoins in it after a 3 week long run. I obviously regret it and the challenged self not wanting to give up, I went in for more. I signed up then for 3 others that also failed as well, and lost about 0.3 bitcoins in the mix. Then completely exhausted, my last hope was this one platform called bitconnect. That one I then didn’t put in at all until the following month, where I started with $100 worth of bitcoins to see how it works first. Many in the community already made millions on it, and I felt I needed to press the metal to the petal and see results faster. Bitcoin then rose up to 9k, and in the mix, I had then invested 0.4 bitcoins in it, while the daily compound reinvestments did the job to match it up to 5k value that took another month to get to. I was then getting 1% interest every day at average, and it was working fine, which was the trick in disguise. There was a feeling of unease throughout all of this but I didn’t put mind and I went complacent.
As time went, Bitcoin then rose up to 12k and it was just beginning to get highlighted in the mainstream. When bitcoin hit the all time 20k, it was too quick when it happened to celebrate as it was falling slightly hitting resistance. Everyone was gasping to the thought that bitcoin has the potential to even go higher than that. Unreal it was, and in days approaching christmas, I had bought in about 0.4 bitcoin at 19k, but that was the worse move as I couldn’t do anything about it because of the exchange processing the money. It took 7 days to get it cleared from the bank, but by then it was too late. Once I was able to control my bitcoins, the value had crashed to 10k, then dipped harder to 9k. Recovering from that fall has been fairly difficult. Folks were asking me how to make money from bitcoin to run away from the reality of a 9 to 9 job. Tired were some of my friends trying to find a solution to their own pains as well. I look into bitcoin as what my father expected to be, a quick rich scheme to alleviate from the mountain of debt that has grown over time from pure ignorance.
At all angles, finding the easy route – lottery tickets, ponzi schemes, pyramid schemes, they work but it’s mostly luck and timing. That’s the toughest part of it all, but the moral is also a concern with these. Sovereignty is exclusively important element that we all forgot we had and take away from each other by thinking that scams will out for the best. The power of the individual, which can assist others as well, was lost by trading it with the chance of winning an award. Selling our souls to try and cut corners and dropping down points of moral was so hard to bare. Constantly failures because of doing the same thing so many times. I thought maybe with bitcoin I can save my parents from doing another scheme, but instead wound up losing anyway by ironically jumping into one. Totalling 14k loses, it was a strong lesson that is still being processed by me and my parents. Feeling dead already inside, a false light came through to calm us with hope. My buddy had sent me 10.560 mBTC, which I read it wrong and emotionally I volley a feeling of happiness back to my family, assuring them with false hope because of it. I laugh about it because it took a lie to ease tensions with everyone here, but it’s truly depressing for me to realize at every moment that suicide is still is an option I go back to from time to time having tumorous guilt from all of this.
The amount given from my buddy was simply $100 dollars at the time when bitcoin was at 7k. That I didn’t know until I corrected my wallet to read at BTC units instead of mBTC, but the misinformation has spilled out turning into a lie and resulted to make my family calm down. The peace helped me concentrate for the first time in a very long while. I bet to only a certain degree until the week before christmas when my parents left and gave me a chunk to inject into the bitcoin plan just days before it collapsed.
The plan was to double it, as they felt that bitcoin was gonna go higher. The signs were everywhere about not to invest. I also hesitated for 5 days in disbelief but now bitconnect has sucked in all of the people who desired to make money quickly and also passively that sadly the train was on course to crash and cut people down inevitably. Boy, that feeling of getting income without thinking about it was the best relief in my whole history for that time. I felt I was back to my childhood days again and was able to sleep, where before I simply couldn’t by purely having anxiety attacks and overthinking. Dreams of me confronting, losing my home, and simply just a demon hovering above me grinning didn’t give me incentive to rest. The lie – the illusion, gave me finally time to chill and forget my worries for just a bit to recover. Sadly it was just short lived but enough to let bitconnect work in the background until January 18, where it blew up in my face and all hope was lost again.
Before then, I was able to take out 1100 from the 5k I had put into the lending program. The whole where it went to pay rent, bills, and the bunch. I couldn’t do anything with it after that. My income is dead now, nothing coming in. It’s been over a month now that I’ve been floating in uncertainty. It’s a matter of time before I will lose my place. Last ditch effort at the present is to learn a new skill. The money to eat is selling the last of the bitcoins I have, which is very minimal (less than 0.05 now). Another thing, folks think that having bitcoins means whole numbers, which makes me giggle, because it’s counted as a real number – as in decimals. So when I say I have bitcoins, I mean I have a fraction of it. It can be divided into 100 millionth of a bitcoin, in which I would instead call it in satoshi units, where 1 satoshi is 0.00000001 of a bitcoin. As of this post, $100 is 0.01 bitcoin, or 1 million satoshis (at the price of 9k).
With that little educational part said, breaking the crypto piggy for food has been mostly the thing the current moment. At this rate I will be toast at the end of March. Everything is due, and I will need $2140 to survive and calm the flames. This means utilities, credit cards, student loans, internet, and misc bills all combine to total that amount for 1 month. What I owe is enough to think of really negative thoughts. Suicide sounds so good since I don’t have really any real reason to keep on going and I’m just a burden right now but if a miracle happens I’ll definitely be able to fight off the monster I created and donate back to my community once again. Realistically the monster will consume me before I can ever do any good. This is where I ride on luck by posting this entry and letting the world know what’s going on. Therapeutically also helps me cope with this burden. The video below is another angle in the same story that can help fill in the blanks. As you can see, I won’t be able to hold anything up anymore, and when I fade out from my online presence – it’s over baby.
Now, I do have a plan of action – I’m taking social media marketing classes. I’ll be creating bite size products, like logos, graphic prints, t-shirts with my game characters, and some more cool little quick things. I’m going to use the last of my bitcoins to market my items online. The investment is so I can get leads and see where it goes. This is why I’m also working on my game project as well. Staying positive on that side, but I will always consider death because the dread of losing my home, collection, identity, creations, and family to the monster is too great of a pain to go on after. No one will take that option away, and I’m serious when I say so. I hate endings but sometimes the reality here is how the game of money has complicated my life. No one can escape that in this system. Fortunes may come and go, life will remain, but my soul would be long dead and everything I’ve created gone for good. So the only way now is getting stuff done and then getting the word out. I’m gonna keep game developing until until I can’t do it anymore.
Thank you for having the time to read my post, I really appreciate it. Again, the video below is a bit long (35min) so that’s why I wanted to write a bit first so that you can skip the video if in case you don’t have time to see the bigger picture. There is though secrets embedded within the tape, giving you a complete outlook on what went wrong. I will be posting another video later that will focus on detail plans on what I’m going to do about it.
Again, thank you and Rock on!