June of chaos and July of wisdom

So after that moment, I went to see my little cousin Dennis and decided to bring over some markers to make something. We drew a storyboard for a little animation project. Since he loves Dragon Ball and Naruto, we based the story in a cross over thing fighting a totally alternative monster that looks like yoshi. lol

We didn’t get to finish that as his focus shifted to 3d modeling. So I introduced him to Blender3D. We were kinda learning it together since I forgot how to work around it but I also was teaching him how to learn on his own about it. Remember, you teach someone how to fish, and you will feed them for a lifetime.

After all of that, my plans were to return the next day and finish the animation project but then my wisdom tooth broke.  😐

That event of my wisdom tooth breaking is a turning point that I reflected as to getting back into discipline again. It takes a while for a tooth to even get to that stage of decay, and that only meant that I was faulting on myself since my depression hit new lows this year as a sequel to last year’s lows. My anxiety attacks roared for days after that happened. I really had to change by force, so I radically changed my diet. I went into a fast of some type with just blends. Oatmeal blends, fruit blends, green blends, etc. I am also now taking supplements as well, in which I wasn’t so keen about before. Calcium, Magnesium, Silica, Vitamin D, and more!

10 days later and I’m feeling really good now about my health and my teeth although cavities or decay don’t start showing results until 6 months has passed. In a side note, my brother had to irritate me about things at home a bit but nothing that will pull me out of concentration or other things.

So after all of that, I’m taking a break for the summer on working on creative stuff. I’m taking the L for this bracket in time and putting things aside to spend more time with family and see someone new that I haven’t seen before, my niece. She’s turning 1 in July 20th, and I’ll be away from doing creative things for 11 days. After that note my brother is getting married in August so there is a lot of cleaning to be done. I will be preparing episodes in-between the down open times for my GerardoLegend YouTube channel about my teeth and life so stay tuned to that.

Now about my social media plans –

On twitter I’m doing some subtle yet crazy changes to it which are as follows:

  • GerardoLegend Twitter will be mostly ReTweets of Game development, game art, and some other art that is appealing to me
  • The aforementioned twitter handle will eventually be more personal and later down the line I plan to lock my profile up just to keep things underwraps.
  • My Mariolegend_ twitter handle is going to be much more prominent when it comes to anything gaming going forward but it’s way more hardcore now (meaning it’s NSFW) since all form of art is welcomed and talked about there.
  • Mariolegend_ is also a Crypto account where I will also talk about cryptocurrency dealings around the globe.
  • GerardoLegend Twitch account will be dead as I will move my game development process to periscope instead, keeping it directly live on twitter without needing to switch over to another platform that requires a lot more hardware power. (I don’t plan on getting a Nintendo Switch until I get my shit together, so no more streams on twitch in the future).
  • Mariolegend YouTube will be the place where I’ll start talking about indie games with my new avatar.
  • GerardoLegend YouTube, I plan on having live Vlogs going forward talking about life, games, and other things.
  • And yes, there are 2 different avatars styles since both characters take place in different realities but in a shared universe. Both Glegend and Mlegend YT channels will have their custom avi once I’m done with that. They will cross-over.
  • Mariolegend YouTube, I plan to have original creative videos on there, including my Dark Zeta game as a 3D animation experiment, but the main focus is still being determined as I need to experiment with analytics.
  • As for Dark Zeta Twitter/project, It’s right now on hold again. My friend who was helping me program is taking a LONG break and I also ran out of money to incentivize on the milestones. In short, no money, no progress, no game.

I’m doubling down on technical art and improving my skills for it, thus leaving alone programming to the pros. The older I get, the more I hate programming, the more I feel worse about everything.

I can only do template games right now, in which is the reason why I’m pulling out of making a big game until I can get money to pay a decent programmer to help on the cause. Again, I have grown to hate programming after 7 years trying to understand how to do things. My mind isn’t up for it anymore. I’m really burnt out now.

Player expectations are huge! Massive! and anything that underwhelms, like my Dark Zeta demo and GridXross game, won’t cut it. This is why I’m doing something else instead and doubling down on things I feel I can really get good at and have more of it done at a shorter time span vs making a game alone. Otherwise I’m gonna let life take its course and direct me to something I haven’t even thought about. (Accepting this is still the hardest and it provokes me to have suicidal thoughts)

So if you guys want something like this below-

And that’s only the dinner menu – I got some appetizers if I can finally fucking catch a break and make it happen ——- like this below–

 

those won’t happen until conditions are right to make it happen. That teaser there took 10 months to put together, not counting the time it took to get the main character’s look just right. So now I’m alone and burned out. This is where my existential crisis hits me hard because I want to finish what I have started but the time and effort it takes to do something like this will pull me away from my love ones. Time, at this moment, is of the essence.

Once I come back from florida I’m going to try and see if I can find a part-time job somewhere that can accept me and my health conditions. I still need to get my wisdom teeth out as well. There is a lot I need to do first before going back to working in the game again.

Thank you for reading and caring and I hope you have a nice day! Laters

– g –

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